Tales from Suburbia by Brandi Haas Interview, Excerpt & Giveaway

Tales from Suburbia

by Brandi Haas

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BLURB:

Brandi Haas brings her trademark wit from her popular blog to this new collection, sharing stories of birthday party mayhem, mommy martyrdom, and snow shoveling majesty.

The setting is Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors. You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps!

Tales from Suburbia will make you laugh, warm your heart, and let you know you're not alone. Mothers (and fathers) will recognize themselves, their children, and the absurd situations that family life brings to us all.

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Excerpt 

CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN OF DEATH

I seldom fall victim to Pinterest, but on this rare occasion, I looked at pictures of tea parties for little girls. The cuteness was almost overwhelming. My daughter loved the idea, which only fueled my enthusiasm. Even my husband was not immune to the excitement and he quickly joined in with the planning.

“How about a chocolate fountain?” he asked with a smile.

Chocolate flowing from an exquisite fountain sitting in the center of a beautifully decorated table. What could possibly go wrong with that, I thought.

“That’s a great idea, honey!” I exclaimed and began a painstaking search of Amazon for the perfect chocolate-oozing birthday party accessory.

What I envisioned as six little girls daintily dipping strawberries and chunks of pound cake into flowing chocolate ended up being the worst idea ever conceived. The chocolate fountain itself turned out to be a poorly-constructed, steel and plastic contraption spewing chocolate out of tiered orifices while making a grinding noise that sounded a lot like a sixteen-year-old learning to drive a stick shift.

A deranged group of six-year-olds hovered around the fountain clutching sharpened sticks in their hands ready to impale fruits, marshmallows and my husband’s inconveniently placed hand. But the worst was the double dipping. I watched as kid after kid shoved a strawberry into the chocolate, took a small bite, then thrust the bacteria-infested berry back into the chocolate. I was certain that a new outbreak of dysentery was about to sweep through our neighborhood because of this wretched chocolate fountain. I could almost hear the accusatory whispers, “Isn’t that the lady who gave all the kids on Tawny Drive diarrhea for a month? Yes, if she offers you chocolate, run away.”

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

In kindergarten, I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer was a neatly written sentence: “I want to write a book about a story.”

The joy I find in writing has never waned. I find humor in all that I see and live my life secure in the knowledge that everything is funny. And now after an amazing ten years of teaching, I find myself wife to the world’s best doctor, mother to the sweetest daughter, caretaker to one wonder mutt and countless ill-fated goldfish and ready to write again. Our residence is Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors and these are my stories.

Interview:

Where are you from?

I was born and raised in Southern California but we have lived in Kansas City, MO for the past six years.

Tell us your latest news?

My first book, Tales from Suburbia: You Don’t Have to be Crazy to Live Here, But it Helps, is coming out on December 1. It is a book filled with humorous short stories about life in the suburbs.

When and why did you begin writing?

I have always loved writing but I actually started writing seriously last year. My daughter had started kindergarten and I wasn’t sure what direction my life should take. My husband cleared out the extra bedroom, bought me a desk and encouraged me to start writing.

When did you first consider yourself a writer?

I have always considered myself a writer because I have always loved writing. The best part now is that I get to call myself an author and that is pretty amazing.

What inspired you to write your first book?

My book is the story of my life, quite literally. I use vignette format to recount humorous tales of the PTA, dentist, grocery shopping and other seemingly mundane things that are actually really hilarious.

What would you like my readers to know?

If you have ever spied on you neighbors or driven your child to school in your pajamas, then this is a book you should check out. If you have ever looked down at your sleeping child and thought, I hope I’m getting this parenting thing right, then this is a book you should read. It’s heartfelt and funny and will leave you with a smile. 

http://talesfromsuburbia.com/

https://www.facebook.com/TalesfromSuburbia

Brandi Haas will be awarding $30 Amazon/BN Gift card to a randomly drawn winner 

a Rafflecopter giveaway