Title: The Heart of a Woman:
Reclaim, Release and Renew
Author: Shaneka L. McClarity
Publisher: Shaneka L. McClarity
Pages: 96
Genre: Nonfiction
Format: Kindle
Purchase at AMAZONAuthor: Shaneka L. McClarity
Publisher: Shaneka L. McClarity
Pages: 96
Genre: Nonfiction
Format: Kindle
Are you a single woman who is tired of the roller
coaster ride of relationship problems? This book captures the essence of a
woman's heart after a painful break-up. Readers are led on a journey from pain
to purpose; no more dating drama and no more emotional sacrifices.
Author Shaneka L. McClarty is a licensed
therapist and a relationship expert. She provides insightful steps to help
women unpack their emotional baggage, reclaim the strength that's needed to
walk away and re-position their hearts for authentic love with a real man. Get
ready to open up your heart to reclaim your power, release the pain and renew
your mind to get the man that you want.
Whenever you fall in love, you surrender a part of
yourself to what feels good to you. There is nothing wrong with the process of
falling in love because love is a beautiful thing. When a woman surrenders her
heart, she is basically saying, “I like you and I trust you.” She is also
saying, “I want more of this good feeling.” What changes all of this and what
breaks a woman’s heart? A lot of things; but the major indicators are lies,
infidelity, and abuse. Shockingly, a woman may add more pain to her heart break
by holding on to the relationship because she does not want to let go of how
good the “falling in love” part felt to her.
Interestingly, I have learned that God will use your pain
for a purpose. You may not understand it right now and it may not feel like
there is a greater purpose in it, but there is. In my private practice I am
most passionate about building hope in people. I would not say that I am a
relationship builder because I do not have the power to build your
relationship; only you have the power to do that. I, on the other hand, have
the power to teach, guide and support you. Nevertheless, I enjoy building
people up by letting them know how important they are and how special their
lives are. I am a hope-builder. When you have hope you believe and you fight.
When you have hope you thrive and you succeed. With hope there is faith.
Eight years ago, I met a young lady who was deeply hurt.
She carried around a lot of wounds from a four-year relationship. The goal was
to help her to grasp that even though she was hurt; she was not broken and even
if she felt broken; she was not shattered. Each time I sat with her for a
counseling session, it was like sitting in a dark hole. The energy was so
dreary, hopeless, defeated and heavy whereby I felt emotionally drained at
times. Can you imagine how this young woman felt everyday of her life?
Whenever you search for something in a relationship to
meet an unmet need in your heart you are ultimately searching for trouble. Can
a man really make you feel valued when you do not value yourself? Can he make
you feel secure when you feel insecure? Does he have the power to change your
self-esteem and make you love yourself? To some extent women have used having a
man as a safety blanket. A man can make you feel good about yourself, but not
completely. The power to do any of this lies within you and you can do it.
There is hope because the light is not at the end of the tunnel; the light is
within you. It may be a small glimmer of light, but at least it is there. Even
if, within your heart, you feel there is darkness and pain know that the
possibility of hope and light is still there because the only power darkness
has is to conceal. Consequently, a symbolic heart surgery is not about
concealing or covering up your pain. Instead, it is about exposing your pain,
staring it dead in the eyes, accepting the lesson it has for you, and releasing
it. So where does a woman with a broken heart go from here?
One of my favorite soul-searching questions I like to ask
in counseling sessions is, "Who are you?" Sometimes people tell me
they do not know. Other times my clients will give me a list of positive
adjectives to describe their appearance or accomplishments. Then I encourage
them to share with me the person that no one sees; the person they do not
reveal to others. Silence lingers in the room for a moment as the client thinks
about the statement and they either provide an answer that is derived from fear
or truth. I understand it is very difficult for most people to be vulnerable
and transparent with someone, especially if there is a fear of being judged,
hurt or rejected. Personal growth comes from a level of vulnerability within
our ability to surrender that guides us to become better human beings. Whenever
your mind and heart connects, the process of spiritual awakening begins which
leads to a wonderful life of happiness and freedom. To get started on this
journey to freedom and happiness within your heart, you must prepare yourself
for heart surgery.
Before a heart surgery, the doctor presents a list of things
for the patient to do or not do. Normally, the patient is not to eat or drink
24 hours before the surgery, they are instructed to get a good night's rest,
arrive to the hospital a few hours before the procedure to complete
registration paperwork and provide information about their medical history and
medications. After the surgery is complete, the doctor informs the patient of
the post-surgery rules for recovery.
In this book, a heart attack symbolically represents the
painful experiences you have endured in relationships such as lies, infidelity,
betrayal, manipulation, abuse and rejection. When you make the choice to
position your heart for healing, you are making a decision to symbolically
undergo open heart surgery. In other words, you will undergo multiple CAT
scans, MRIs and X-rays of your heart to examine the core issues of unresolved
pain. You will identify the blocked arteries as a result of your power and
energy being taken from you, irregular heartbeats that were caused by multiple
lies and disappointments, as well as heart attacks that were brought on by torn
relationships. There is only one pre-surgical procedure required before we
begin. You will need to prepare for heart surgery by making a choice. You or
him? It is impossible for you to heal while holding on to an unhealthy
relationship because it is bad for your heart.
Heart attacks normally occur in unhealthy relationships.
A healthy relationship requires both parties to be selfless. In an unhealthy
relationship there is selfishness which means the needs of one or both parties
will not be met. Think about your past unsuccessful relationships. What selfish
acts do you recall taking part in? What selfish acts did you witness in your
partner? Your lists are very important, in that it will become a self-inventory
of correction for you as well as an assessment of red flags to be aware of in
future relationships. Women in unhealthy relationships make their decisions out
of fear. There is fear of being rejected, fear of letting him go and he becomes
a “good man” for the next woman or fear of being alone.
The sacrifice that a woman makes to remain in a
relationship where she does not feel valued, loved and respected is a fearful
act which depletes her self-worth. This continued act of selfless sacrifice, on
your part, can be taken for granted over time and you may be perceived as weak
or naïve. At some point you will start to lose yourself and you will not want
to honor the man or the relationship if you are not honored. Putting a man
first while sacrificing your needs, happiness and desires only decreases your
power. Be aware that moving forward, I will challenge you to make several
important decisions and whenever you make a decision you have two choices- Fear
or Faith. I am encouraging you to make a choice right now. Who will you
passionately love, respect and honor- You or him?
Choosing to put yourself first is not a selfish act
because authentic love comes from your ability to love yourself. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right
now, you can choose to continue doing what you are doing or choose to do
something different. Once you make the decision to choose yourself it becomes
an act of empowerment. It is a decision you make out of faith and not fear. At
that moment, your decision can be interpreted as a declaration to healing.
Who are you at the core of your heart? How much of
yourself have you given away? How many men, women, family or friends have hurt
you? How long will you hide behind your shadow with fear of loving and trusting
again? Sometimes the pain hurts so bad you feel like you want to die, but
fortunately, dying is not an option because your life is priceless. Just make
your decision right now about what you will do with your pain. Will you choose
yourself or the person who hurt you?
After you make the choice to choose yourself, then you
must complete a checklist of symptoms or "heart defects." Experiences
in life, good or bad, changes who you are. It is impossible not to be affected
or influenced by your experiences. If someone poured kind words into you and
affirmed you, it affected your life for the better. On the other hand, if
someone ridiculed you or was unsupportive of you, then it surely affected you
as well. During this process, the focus is not on the men who hurt you; the
focus is on you. This is where you begin to examine your root issues. I will
use the tree analogy to explain how we will examine your root issues. Look at
yourself symbolically as a tree. What you choose to show people are the
branches and leaves of the tree which may be how fashionable and beautiful you
are, intelligent, dedicated or funny. In comparison, the roots of the tree is
what people cannot see. You know the roots are there but its hidden deep
beneath the earth's soil similar to how you may be hiding or camouflaging your
heart defects. Search within your heart and be honest with yourself about who
you are, how you present yourself in a relationship, and who you have become.
About the Author
Shaneka
McClarty is a southern girl with a love for all things sweet; she enjoys sweet
treats, sweet talks and sweet people. She is a licensed therapist with a
Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University (Atlanta, GA)
and a Bachelor’s Degree from Stillman College (Tuscaloosa, AL).
Shaneka has been practicing for over ten years focusing on relationships,
particularly women’s issues and couples. Her company, Therapy Girl LLC, is
set up to provide counseling services, consulting, workshops, and motivational
speaking. Shaneka hosts a weekly internet-based radio show, Open Up with
Therapy Girl, on Blog Talk Radio each Sunday @ 2:00 p.m. EST. In addition, she
is a published author of the book, The Heart of a Woman: Reclaim,
Release and Renew.
Shaneka
is a hope-builder helping people move from fear to faith. She speaks frequently
to women’s groups, conferences, and non-profit organizations. She resides
in Atlanta with her husband, Leonardo, and their three beautiful princesses.
You
can visit Shaneka’s website at www.therapygirl.net.
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My Review:
This book is good for any woman to have. the author gives ideas on how to mend a broken heart and how to keep your heart strong. As I read through the book I applied a lot of the advice to everyday issues. I think that women can use this advice in romantic relationships, friendships, jobs and even their family. There was a section at the end of each chapter with scriptures that related to the chapter and where to find them in the Bible. There was also a section at the end of each chapter that had "Heart Notes". The heart notes were questions and situations to answer in a journal. My favorite thing about this book was the heart chart on page 15. You use it with the four principles of a healthy heart (which are trust, support, patience and respect). I also really liked the Ten Commandments of a Woman's Heart. The author included charts at the end for easy copying. I am giving this book a 5/5. I was given a copy to review, however all opinions are my own.
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