George Kimeldorf releases ‘From Seeker to Finder: Discovering Everyday Happiness’ Guest Post and Q&A

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 COME ON, GET HAPPY: WRITER EXPLAINS HOW JOY CAN BE PART OF DAILY LIFE WITH JUST A LITTLE PRACTICE

George Kimeldorf releases ‘From Seeker to Finder: Discovering Everyday Happiness’

DATELINE – Described by fans as a “breath of fresh air,” George Kimeldorf shares an honest account of finding joy and how others can do the same in “From Seeker to Finder: Discovering Everyday Happiness” (March 2014, Newlog Publishing Company).

“From Seeker to Finder” isn’t your run-of-the-mill self-help book exposing some special trick behind perpetual bliss. Offering valuable insight and uplifting stories, Kimeldorf’s book reveals that happiness is not an unachievable, mystical power. It’s just an ordinary skill that takes a little practice.

Kimeldorf once thought he knew what he needed to be happy – earn a Ph.D. in mathematics, marry a wonderful woman, raise two lovely children, pursue a successful career as a mathematics professor, and become wealthy. But something was missing, so Kimeldorf began to “seek” happiness. He is now proud to call himself a “finder” as he has found the peace of mind he long sought.

In just 118 pages, Kimeldorf explains how he mastered the skill of happiness and how it changed him forever, giving him a profound experience of love, joy, and fulfillment.

“‘From Seeker to Finder: Discovering Everyday Happiness’ is an inspirational account of one man’s personal transformation and his commitment to a life of joyful well-being,” says don Miguel Ruiz, M.D., author of the international best-seller, “The Four Agreements.” “By sharing himself in this clear and caring way, George Kimeldorf sets the reader on a course toward self-love, happiness and harmony.”

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Q&A with author George Kimeldorf

What are some things people can do every day to boost their happiness?

They can feel and express sincere gratitude—not gratitude for things for which they “should” be grateful, but gratitude for little things for which they are truly thankful. For example, “I’m glad no cop was present when I rolled through that stop sign” or “I’m lucky I got to the bathroom on time” or “I’m grateful to have heat and hot water.” By doing this until it becomes habitual, they will be happier.

Another thing they can do is to monitor their self-judgmental thoughts, just being aware of them, not trying to eliminate or change them—thoughts about how they should be different or better. Pay attention to various aspects of “I’m not good enough,” such as “not smart enough,” “not thin enough,” or “not happy enough.” Merely being aware of such thoughts and the unhappiness they cause will decrease their emotional impact. It will also become clear that these thoughts are a principal source of unhappiness, not the boss, spouse, or mother-in-law.

Do you consider yourself to be a happiness guru?

I don’t consider a driving instructor to be a driving guru or a guitar teacher to be guitar guru. Happiness is an ordinary skill that anyone can learn. I have mastered this skill and taught it to a few people.

Why do you think finding happiness is such a challenge for some people?

            First, it is challenging because our culture falsely teaches that happiness can be achieved through education, material success, and the approval of others. Successful actors, CEOs of large corporations, and politicians are not happier than other people. Second, some people believe they must earn happiness, like a reward for a righteous life. Third, even “seekers” who know that the path to happiness is through awareness, love, gratitude, and forgiveness often fail to find the happiness they seek because happiness is an experiential skill like driving a car. It’s challenging to teach yourself how to drive, or to learn it from a book.

Can you give us some examples of mistakes people make when they’re trying to make a change?

One mistake when trying to get from Point “A” to Point “B” is to reject Point “A.” A famous 20^th-century psychologist said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.... We cannot move away from what we are, until we thoroughly accept what we are.” Also, a part of our mind strongly resists change. It is a mistake to underestimate that part by trying to overpower it or outwit it.

Does living a happy life take continual practice?

I think so. I would certainly be less happy unless I continually expressed love, felt gratitude, and let go of stressful thoughts.

Are you happy all the time?  

No. I find it challenging to be happy when my body is ill or in pain. Although I am happier than I have even been and rarely criticize others, I occasionally lapse into complaints or self-judgment. But these breaks from equanimity are short-lived.

How is your book different from all those self-help books out there?

My book demonstrates that happiness is an ordinary skill that anybody can learn and master through practice, like driving a car or playing the piano. Having mastered and taught the skill of happiness, I use examples from my own life to explain why self-help books are mostly counterproductive and why seekers, while doing all the “right” things, rarely find joy, satisfaction, and peace of mind. Some happiness books were written by psychologists who have studied happiness, but not achieved it themselves. I would much prefer to learn the violin from a virtuoso, rather than an expert on violins.

Guest Post:

I was celebrating my 70^th birthday as I wrote the first pages of my book, “From Seeker to Finder: Discovering Everyday Happiness.” All I have ever wanted was to be happy--nothing more. I thought I knew what I needed to do to be happy, so I did all those things. I earned a Ph.D., married a wonderful woman, raised two lovely children, pursued a successful career, and became wealthy. Everything seemed fine. But the joy, satisfaction, and peace of mind I so desired eluded me. At age 35, I began to realize that the “right” things would not get me what I wanted, so I actively sought happiness by doing workshops, reading self-help books, leading seminars, practicing self-hypnosis, and meditating. I became a seeker.

            Only in the past few years did real transformation begin. I am no longer a seeker; I am a finder. Despite doubting in the past that I would ever succeed, I have found the happiness and peace of mind I had long sought. I actually love life and I love the world. I have discovered that we can really love the world and all the people in it, despite the violence, hatred, crime, hypocrisy, greed, suffering, and starvation.

            During this 70-year journey, I have discovered many things. To my utter amazement, I found that learning to be happy is not mystical, mysterious, or magical. Happiness is an ordinary skill that anybody can learn and master through practice, like driving a car or playing a violin. And like driving a car or playing the violin, happiness is an experiential skill which cannot be learned from reading books.

            If happiness cannot be taught in a book, why did I write this book? The first purpose of this book was to tell what does not work. In my quest for happiness, I pursued many fruitless paths. What if I had achieved happiness earlier in life, rather than having spent decades following roads leading nowhere? Had I read a book such as this, I might have avoided some of these pitfalls and shortened some of these detours. By sharing my experience, I hope to spare my readers years of looking in the wrong places. Most people spend their entire lifetimes seeking happiness in places where, at best, it is only temporarily experienced. Their parents, teachers, and religious leaders falsely promised them as children that hard work, financial success, acquisition of goods, and approval from others will make them happy. Our culture spreads these illusory expectations through movies, books, TV, and advertising. When people achieve these goals hoping to be happy and then realize that they are not in fact happy, their unfulfilled expectations lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, and discouragement. To make matters worse, they often blame themselves for this perceived failure, leading to feelings of powerlessness and despair.

            Other people, having read books or attended seminars, are seekers. They know that they cannot achieve happiness through financial success, acquisition of goods, or approval of others. They know that happiness results from experiencing gratitude, acceptance, self-love, and forgiveness. They have learned that the path to happiness is through awareness of their thoughts, doubting their beliefs, changing their points of view, and expressing unconditional love. Yet they remain seekers. The true joy, peace of mind, satisfaction, and contentment which they fervently seek continues to elude them.

            I have met dozens of such seekers, who are unwittingly driving with their left foot on the brake pedal. Until they discover and confront how they are holding themselves back, they will forever remain seekers. My book describes my good fortune in finding teachers who not only made me aware of how I was pressing that pedal, but also assured me that it was safe to release my foot from the brake.

            The second reason for writing this book was to tell my readers about the path by which I have achieved my current state of happiness, joy, and peace of mind. Perhaps it will inspire them to pursue a similar goal. Will my path work for them? I do not know. I know that it has worked for me, as well as for many other people. I also know others who, after learning about this path, have decided not to pursue it. I respect their decision. It is not for everybody.

            When you watch young children, have you noticed their obvious excitement in being alive, their natural curiosity, their joy, their spontaneity? Two minutes after being hurt, they are laughing and ready to play. We were all once young children. What happened to our spark, spirit, and spunk? Can this joy of life be revived? Why do so many of us instead experience cynicism, resignation, and discontent? Must we take life so seriously?  I encourage my readers to think about these questions.

            My last reason for this book was that I enjoyed writing it. I hope the reader derives as much joy and inspiration from reading it as I did from writing it.