Mastering Negative Impulsive Thoughts by John & Elizabeth McIntosh Excerpt & Review

Title: Mastering Negative Impulsive Thoughts
Author: John & Elizabeth McIntosh
Publisher: GP Mx Solutions P/L
Pages: 283
Genre: Nonfiction/Self-Help
Format: Paperback

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Doctor John McIntosh and Rev. Elizabeth McIntosh, authors of an important new book, MASTERING NEGATIVE IMPULSIVE THOUGHTS, use “nits” as both an acronym for their book’s title and as an analogy for the clearly unhealthy effects of negative thinking.

“Negative thoughts occur impulsively, so that is why they are Negative Impulsive Thoughts, or NITs, for short,” the authors say. “The nice analogy is that nits are also head lice and both (nits and NITs) are irritating, contagious, hard to recognize, hard to eliminate, breed fast, and spread like an epidemic.”

Unlike other, similar books that claim to have a magic route to happiness and health, MASTERING NEGATIVE IMPULSIVE THOUGHTS is based on solid clinical research, say the authors, who together have extensive experience in general medicine, medical research, and holistic health/wellness practices.

Book Excerpt:

Be open with your affection and compliment each other in public – “Here comes my beautiful wife/husband/partner” – touch them gently and affectionately, and hold their hands. This affectionate approach to each other is contagious, and soon everyone around starts to do the same thing! This mutual affection also deters predators who might want to try their luck with your partner, but as your relationship is so secure, this is a non-issue anyway.  The relationship will never fall apart, because you love each too much and it is balanced and mutually rewarding.

Showing respect to each other is another key, as not showing respect erodes the foundations of the relationship and each other. An example is to ask your partner for confirmation of plans if you are invited out as well as discussing important decisions with them. While you may know what the answer will be, it is courteous and respectful to confirm it with them. This will also confirm that your expectations were correct.

Most people would like their relationship to stay in the honeymoon period, when everything was fresh and exciting. Well you can, but it is up to you! If that is what you want, you need to treat your relationship as if it is still in that honeymoon period – continue to take care, pay attention to what your partner says and wants, buy her (or him) flowers, do nice touches, make things special, show that you care and the excitement can persist for years and years!

Know your partner and pay attention – what they like to do, their favourite foods, TV, music, colour, places to visit, who is their favourite mentor, what gives them the most pleasure (sexual and non-sexual). Make an effort to make the things that are important to your partner important to you, so even though you don’t really like football, try and get involved, and even if you don’t understand why she likes flowers, just buy them!

You should know these things, because if you are going to make them happy, you need to know what works for them. People do feel loved when you pay attention to the finer details. Be able to comfort your partner and help each other emotionally and practically to solve any problems by working together – “What do we have to do to solve this?” or “How can I help you so we get through this?” Work as a team and use the terms like “we”, “us” and “together” to emphasise the team effort. Know each other’s strengths and weaknesses – praise them for one and help them with the other.

Obviously, both of you are going to need to know about NITs, but when you look at your relationship and communication, are the things that you say to each other mostly positive and uplifting or mostly critical and negative? Once aware of the principle, you can recognise the NITs and start eliminating them and approaching things from the other side with so much better results!

Sometimes you might need to imagine what your partner is dealing with to understand why they are tired, irritable or home so late. Go through the exercise of “walking in their shoes for a day” by asking them in detail what they have to do. You may well find out why one person may need some quiet time when they get home, rather than immediately giving the children to the worker on their arrival home.

A good relationship is also one where you respect what the other person needs, even if that is actually taking some time for themselves (without you). A secure and complete relationship will have the security of knowing that they do want to be together and will rejoin with a renewed appreciation after the time has passed.

Communication in relationships is critical too. Use honest and simple language, without any double meanings or innuendos, making sure that what you say is exactly what you mean. Everything you say should be taken at face value, so if something is upsetting you, say what it is, and don’t talk around the subject. If you are asked if you want to do something or not, be honest – for example “Well, I am very tired and would prefer not to go, but it is important for you so I am happy to come to support you”. Make sure there is no hidden indebtedness and be honest.  If one partner only does things to create a “debt” from the other person, this undermines the positive energy of the relationship severely. The result is then both sides have to do things because they need to and not because they want to.  Do what you do because you love your partner and allow your partner to not do what they don’t want to do because you love them too.  As long as the balance is present, this works well.

Constant sarcasm, guilt and innuendo with implications of criticism or ungratefulness leaves the other person constantly trying to work out what they are doing wrong.  This undermines the relationship and if that approach continues, the person will often either pull back from their partner or withdraw from the relationship completely.

Honesty sometimes requires you to be courageous, and both parties also need to be strong enough to hear the truth without being offended. Once the truth is out and the main issues are clear, you can then work together to solve the problems. But at least you are focused on the real problem, not the underlying excuses that circulate when the truth is too hard to discuss.

Remember that we all change and grow over the years, so the nature of someone that you met aged twenty may not be what they are like at thirty or fifty! Don’t assume that you know them – ask them and listen attentively so you keep up to speed with any changing aspects of their desires, dreams and plans, as your plans ideally are going in the same direction.

Having a great relationship in a NIT-free environment is also great for your children, as they learn from it all and will tend to mimic your actions and behaviours.

About the Authors

Doctor H. John McIntosh is known as the “Medical Guru” through his columns and media presence.  He was educated as a medical doctor in Scotland. He received a general medical degree from Dundee University Medical School in 1984 and moved to Australia in 1993. He received his Specialist Physician qualification in 1988 from the Royal College of Physicians (UK) and specialist Family Physician qualifications in 1990 from the Royal College of General Practitioners. Other certifications include: Approved Trainer of medical students, Royal Australian College of General Practitioners; James Cook University Medical School, Central Queensland University; Trainer of Cognitive Institute programs, Cognitive Institute of Australia; Approved Trainer of sports medicine first aid courses, Sports Medicine, Australia; and Approved Allergan Cosmetic Injector training and trainer of injectors (doctors and nurses). Dr. McIntosh was the driving force in the building of the Mackay GP Superclinic. In 2013, his medical clinics were awarded the national AGPAL Community Engagement Award for outstanding level of commitment and involvement of the community and won a finalist award in the 2014 Telstra Australian Business Awards.

Rev. Elizabeth McIntosh is known as the “Positivity Expert” from her life’s work and research in the field. She trained as a life and wellness coach; certified personal fitness trainer under Ken Ware, Mr. Universe of 1994; counselor, hypnotherapist, meditation and yoga teacher; and spa trainer. She is a Reiki master Levels 1, 2 and 3, and a Reiki Master Trainer. She holds a BMSc in Metaphysics from the University of Sedona and the University of Metaphysics, and is an ordained minister through the University of Metaphysics. She runs retreats at her resort in Bali and has produced a series of CDs on health, relaxation, and success, and a TV documentary series, as well as being a magazine columnist and radio talkback presenter.

Their latest book is the nonfiction/self-help, Mastering Negative Impulsive Thoughts.

Visit the authors’ website at www.positivityexpert.com.  

My Review:

I liked this approach to being positive. The authors talk about changing negative thoughts, rather than creating positive ones. It does make sense to change what is causing the negativity before you can let it go. The categories made sense and the authors used really good analogies to help me remember. I am giving this book  5/5. I was given a copy to review, however all opinions are my own.